Thoughts on being multiracial as I wait for the Ancestry DNA results

Until the philosophy which holds one race superior,

and another inferior,

is finally and permanently discredited and abandoned,

everywhere is war.

Bob Marley

I feel blessed that one of the messages that Mom drummed into my head was "different isn't good or bad. It's just different." It's a lesson that has stuck and one I have shared many times as an educator. I often use this mantra as a foundation to give myself strength to explore more, in those times when I am uncomfortable or in cultural shock. Breathe. It's just different. Not bad or good. Just different. I've learned so much with this approach. (Look, I've eaten balut on a few occasions; this is a courage-giving mantra!) I've made friends and fallen in love with people from different lands and cultures. I embrace integration and the free movements of people across the globe. I look to others for knowledge, experience, and strength. I continue to see remarkable acts of survival, kindness, and good humor in diverse places and faces. I have faith in people. In humanity.

When it truly matters, I believe people aren't as messed up as the internet bots make us think. We sometimes deny responsibility for things that are entirely in our control or don't understand our own power to change things. But, I think most people share similar values than not. I've taught in some of the most diverse classrooms in the San Francisco Bay Area, and every year I saw evidence of this: Family. Health. Security. Knowledge. Love. Justice. Honor. The exact details are often different (not bad or good), and the conversations about those details always open the door to exploring these cultural differences. Why do we call different ideas the same word? Are we talking about different ideas or different practices of the same idea? Why do these differences cause war? How can all of us be fighting for freedom?

As a mixed race kid, I often saw these differences. I didn't have academic language and experts to learn from, but I was attracted to other mixed identity and queer kids because we shared outsider perspectives and could be more honest, more real, with one another. We often swapped stories of what it was like to visit one side of our family. We discussed how we had to talk or act different (code switch) with different relatives or in different locations/situations. We talked about doing this and tolerating behaviors because we love our families...each culturally distinct side of our families. We found (or tried to find) ways to see them as not that different from one another. Or at least not too different that we couldn't bridge those gaps.

I've always felt pride that my paternal grandparents crossed oceans to meet and fall in love in San Francisco decades ago. Ethel came over from Denmark through Ellis Island when she was a very small child, with her parents and older brother. Julius came as a merchant marine from a refugee camp outside Baghdad, although his family was from northwestern Iran. They shared Christian faith and a language in common (English) and started a beautiful family. If they were both alive today to see their grandchildren and great-grandchildren, they would beam with pride.

My mother's side has its own fascinating and intriguing history. My grandfather, Super Swede, through his father, carries a strong Scandinavian lineage. The paper family tree I have names them back for hundreds of years. (although it is only half of his DNA makeup) His mother's side is more complicated and still to be explored. My maternal grandmother, along her father's side has roots in America and pioneer life dating back to early colonial life. But her mother's, my great-grandmother Ruth, still holds quite a bit of mystery. (And a lot more Scandinavian bloodline than previously thought.) Both of my grandparents had their DNA results completed recently. My mom's results confirmed their combination of these results. They are 100% European with ancestry spanning Scandinavia to Eastern Europe.

A few evenings ago, my son Julius and I spit into little vials, to send our DNA to be decoded via the good folks at Ancestry. My prediction is that my results will show 75% European and 25% Middle Eastern based on what I know of my heritage. My son's results (his father was a donor from Central America) should have more illuminating effect. I'm excited to see deeper into our histories, as DNA testing allows.

I think more people should do it. No, I'm not working with Ancestry or anything, I just think it's particularly eye-opening, especially for people who believe in such thing as pure race, or pure culture. The DNA trail often challenges that. More times than not, it shows how small the world is, and how mixed people have been for eons. I think having this awareness can allow people to get along better across differences. This video is always a charming testament to the idea: that perhaps we are all cousins.

And if we are all really mixed and products of migration, displacement, and bondage, then maybe we could find a strong, shared foundation with which we envision a new humanity. One where we are all similar in our differences and mixed identities. One where we feel interconnected and interdependent. One where everyone we meet could be a distant relative. One where we all have stories and perspectives to share. One where we value others' stories and perspectives because they enrich our lives. One where we love deeply because of such intrinsic, shared human experience. One where our love and relationships are so unique because through all of the endless possibilities we found each other, here, now.

Almost forty years ago, Harvey Milk said,

Gay brothers and sisters, you must come out. Come out to your parents. I know that it is hard and will hurt them, but think about how they will hurt you in the voting booth! Come out to your relatives. Come out to your friends, if indeed they are your friends. Come out to your neighbors, to your fellow workers, to the people who work where you eat and shop. Come out only to the people you know, and who know you, not to anyone else. But once and for all, break down the myths. Destroy the lies and distortions. For your sake. For their sake.

I feel this way about my mixed race/mixed ethnicity folks. You know who you are. The ones who deny how complex your heritage may be, so you just claim one ethnicity, or one race. Do the deep work. Accept and acknowledge the many differences that make up You. These differences are not good or bad. They are essential. Without these differences, you would not exist. A child I know was parroting Donald Trump's anti-Mexican rhetoric last spring, and I had to cut him off with one direct question, "aren't you half-Mexican?" He turned red and got very quiet. The self-hate is growing strong with this one. And with so many others. When he should be feeling very proud for his Mexican heritage. (which has its own complicated DNA stories)

So, the lesson here, is to dig deep and own your lineage (with all its shameful and celebratory details). DNA testing opens doors for folks who do not have paper trails to follow. It allows us to see a bigger picture about our relationships in the world. It helps us understand ourselves and how we came to be. It has the power to create the shared cultural experience necessary, for us to embody a new way of being and thinking about one another, across difference.

I can't wait to see our results!