to the white liberal who doesn't want to go to holiday dinner because Trump won

I've been contemplating writing a blog or rant after this week's election of Donald Trump to the US Presidency. But then, what hasn't been said? On all sides, everyone has an opinion, or someone to blame, and the stories of protests and hate crimes grow.

The latter is the most concerning to me.

Many of you are gearing up for holiday dinners where red and blue folk come together to feast. I've heard some of you say that you aren't going this year or your plans will have to change.

Hold on. Stop, right there.

If you truly believe in social change, or racial & gender equity, then you really have to go.

You are on the front lines of a war that has been simmering under the surface and is starting to boil back over our country. You probably didn't choose to be in this position; you were probably born and then college-educated away from these folks. But they're still your people. They're still part of you.

And we need you.

We need you to gear up and head to the front lines.

So this blog will serve as a rally cry and hopefully, encourage some tactical preparation (not all strategies work for all families* - be smart with your choices. And if you have additional strategies - share them in the comments below!)

LISTEN MINDFULLY

When Trump comes up, breathe. You knew this was going to happen. Someone is going to be very chipper about this. Some may outright gloat. You know your family. Prepare, practice, and breathe.

Mindful listening is one of the most important ways to practice and embody Love. So, if you say 'Love Trumps Hate,' this should be one of your ways to show it. (See Thich Nhat Hanh with Oprah for more)

Don't try to interrupt. Don't try to argue your finest points, culled from hours of reading the Huffington Post.

Just don't do it. You aren't here to compete. The election is over.

Your goal is to reestablish connection with your family.

Ask questions about how they saw the election and campaigns. Really try to understand them and WHY they voted as they did.

Ask them about their values. What do they think is important? What is worth fighting for?

Let them talk and try to understand them and how they see the world. This is crucial for moving forward or building community with them.

They may try to poke you with trigger words or their own questions back. They may scare you with a deep white supremacist belief system. Just shake your head and say, "I really want to understand you. Because I haven't been able to understand why you or anyone else would vote for him. Clearly there's something I'm not getting."

KEEP YOUR CONCERNS IN THE PRESENT AND FUTURE, NOT THE PAST

Ask them if they've heard about the increase of hate crimes against diverse groups of people this week. Ask them if they've seen whywereafraid.com. Tell them about what you saw on the bus or at work. Tell them what happened to your neighbors. Tell them what happened or is happening to you.

OWN these moments. Do not use hypothetical stories or hearsay. Concrete, real examples are much more powerful. AND you do not, I repeat DO NOT, have to defend Bill or Hillary Clinton's unethical behaviors...your ability to call out racist/sexist people (including the President-Elect) is from your OWN position. I can call out a sexual predator. I can call out a liar. I can call out a hater. I can condemn that behavior. My values compel me to condemn this behavior.

Ask your family what they think about these things or what they would do if it was them. And not from a place of defensiveness, but sincere curiosity. Are they impacted by others' situations? Have they also seen or heard things from friends? This is a way to subtly make them aware of their privilege, if they haven't heard anything. You can remind them of how they may not have to see or deal with this form of terrorism. (NOTE: Be careful with the term 'privilege,' it is entirely coded and a trigger word with many conservative folks. And remember, you cannot shame people to change. They must willingly join a movement based in Love.)

CALLING OUT VS. CALLING IN

Many have written about how we stay critical and accountable to one another in our movements toward social justice, while at the same time, allowing for different opinions and perspectives. If your family members are to become our allies in this movement, they have to feel welcome here. They will not join any group as a shamed or punished member. And if we believe in a future where ALL voices and bodies are welcome, that includes your racist uncle. Sorry, but it does. Practice multiple strategies for different contexts. Whether calling in or calling out, the goal is to help someone identify a place where they might change language, behavior, and/or tone. Be careful of using or defending the term Politically Correct - another trigger word in conservative circles.

Addressing Fear: Most racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, xenophobia, etc. cannot be overcome without a psychological understanding of the root causes of these fears. If you were raised by and around these folks, chances are YOU, also, once held these fears. When did you become aware of your prejudices and insecurities? How did you feel when you became aware - ashamed, hurt, guilty? What did you do to overcome these feelings? Explore back through your own consciousness-raising, these are paths that others can follow.

Addressing the Hierarchy of Oppressions: who has it worst? This is a debilitating route for any of us to take. We can and must work toward Liberation with an intersectional approach. Family members may feel that their class struggle is worse than race or sex discrimination. We can validate their fears of Capitalism, while at the same time pointing out that it is futile to compare it to someone else's experience of racism in this country. We can also remind them that more people share their struggles, than don't. Their struggle doesn't have to be theirs alone. We all want more economic security and can help each other, rather than fight each other.

ESTABLISH POSITIVE, NEW FAMILY NARRATIVES/TROPES/SCRIPTS

If your family identifies as Christian, then help them dig deeper into their Christian values. How can we be a family that practices what we preach? How can we be more like Jesus? How can we spread His Word in a way that is consistent with His message? How do we 'love our enemies?' How might we 'turn the other cheek?' Why did He perform miracles to feed and help so many? Why is the story called The Good Samaritan and not The Good Person?

If your family claims "white" identity, help them dig deeper into what that means. Ask them what connects you to other light-skinned people, really? Because what you know from studying history, the only reason whites continue to identify together is to keep other groups down, not because there is some inherent connection between descendants of different regions of Europe and Scandinavia. Discuss the differences of race and ethnicity. Your family should celebrate it's actual ethnic heritage(s), rather than a heritage built on segregation, oppression, and hate. Tell them you have no pride in being white. Help them be proud of your French, German, and Swedish heritages; claim your immigrant stories and struggles.

If you find a strong level of resistance to changing family scripts, keep using 'I language' to claim your space:

I want all people to feel safer.
I think we become better people when we get to know different people and learn to trust each other more.
I think it's important to stay open to learning new things.
I want us to be the people who save lives and help people, and provide refuge to those who are desperate for safety.
I believe that freedom isn't just for you and me. It is for all people, even if they are different than us.
I think we're better people when we practice Love.

If your family members try to disassociate Trump's social agenda from his economic policies or anti-establishment rhetoric, remind them that they cannot separate those things. Votes don't come with caveats or line-item vetoes. They are an overall endorsement of promises and perspective. Certainly, the folks committing hate crimes believe that other Trump voters are with them and support their actions. That's why they're bolder. Family members, who truly want to disassociate, can and should join our efforts to stand against hate, to resist our families being torn apart by increased incarceration and mass deportation, to support those fighting for dignity and equal access, and to help protect all of our constitutional and inalienable rights.

DEBATE

Do your homework. There are a few key talking points to address with most Trump supporters. Anticipate and be prepared for these.  Others have done some of this work for you, but it is always best to grow and learn for yourself. Look through multiple sources - credible and noncredible - and understand that distinction. Use tools like this to see how different worldviews are constructed and maintained.

Choose your battles. You cannot counter everything and expect that the family is growing closer together. It is exhausting and futile. Listen and look for the most important arguments - raised volume, color/flush in face, repeating, etc. These are the ones you will have to address to persuade them to think different.

Never lose your values. Regardless of what you've heard, debate isn't about winning and losing. It is about how we come to conclusions/decisions and what information we utilized to get there. One doesn't have to get the other person to concede, to feel successful in a debate. But one does have to have a clear message or goal. Yours should revolve around our highest value: Love. What gets us closer to love? Who is demonstrating love and how?

LAST WORDS

Thanksgiving might not go very well. That's okay. Hopefully things don't go too bad and y'all still plan to have Christmas dinner together.

If you believe in nonviolent r/evolution, you have to be willing to engage in multiple battles, on multiple fronts, and you have to remain committed to social justice values, embodying them in your conflicts and acts of resistance. We know that we will not realize true social change through violent means. The master's tools never dismantle the master's house. You must enact change with Love. Sometimes it will be Tough Love, because actions carry consequence.

My hope is that you don't want your family to be left behind when so many of us are building a more hopeful, sustainable, inclusive path to the future.

I believe we will win these battles and more of our conservative families will step across a steep divide to join us, but only if we find the ways to communicate with them.

We cannot put this work on the backs of our queer communities, friends and allies of color, and nonChristian congregations. It is not their burden to carry. They have carried this long enough.

This is our responsibility. This is our duty.

Be thankful. Be kind. And let's do this.



*If there is abuse, addiction, or other potential threats, please seek other resources (see below) to assist you and know that self-preservation is more important than building allies with Trump supporters.

Additional resources: (feel free to share more links in the comments)
Al-Anon Family Support: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
American Civil Liberties Union: https://www.aclu.org/
Amnesty International: http://www.amnestyusa.org/
Anti-Defamation League: http://www.adl.org/education-outreach/
Australian Human Rights Commission: https://itstopswithme.humanrights.gov.au/resources-1
Mental Health Support: https://www.mentalhealth.gov/
National Alliance on Mental Illness: http://www.nami.org/
National Resource Center on Domestic Violence: http://www.nrcdv.org/
Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network: https://www.rainn.org/national-resources-sexual-assault-survivors-and-their-loved-ones
Southern Poverty Law Center: https://www.splcenter.org/what-we-do
The True Colors Fund: https://truecolorsfund.org/

Thoughts on being multiracial as I wait for the Ancestry DNA results

Until the philosophy which holds one race superior,

and another inferior,

is finally and permanently discredited and abandoned,

everywhere is war.

Bob Marley

I feel blessed that one of the messages that Mom drummed into my head was "different isn't good or bad. It's just different." It's a lesson that has stuck and one I have shared many times as an educator. I often use this mantra as a foundation to give myself strength to explore more, in those times when I am uncomfortable or in cultural shock. Breathe. It's just different. Not bad or good. Just different. I've learned so much with this approach. (Look, I've eaten balut on a few occasions; this is a courage-giving mantra!) I've made friends and fallen in love with people from different lands and cultures. I embrace integration and the free movements of people across the globe. I look to others for knowledge, experience, and strength. I continue to see remarkable acts of survival, kindness, and good humor in diverse places and faces. I have faith in people. In humanity.

When it truly matters, I believe people aren't as messed up as the internet bots make us think. We sometimes deny responsibility for things that are entirely in our control or don't understand our own power to change things. But, I think most people share similar values than not. I've taught in some of the most diverse classrooms in the San Francisco Bay Area, and every year I saw evidence of this: Family. Health. Security. Knowledge. Love. Justice. Honor. The exact details are often different (not bad or good), and the conversations about those details always open the door to exploring these cultural differences. Why do we call different ideas the same word? Are we talking about different ideas or different practices of the same idea? Why do these differences cause war? How can all of us be fighting for freedom?

As a mixed race kid, I often saw these differences. I didn't have academic language and experts to learn from, but I was attracted to other mixed identity and queer kids because we shared outsider perspectives and could be more honest, more real, with one another. We often swapped stories of what it was like to visit one side of our family. We discussed how we had to talk or act different (code switch) with different relatives or in different locations/situations. We talked about doing this and tolerating behaviors because we love our families...each culturally distinct side of our families. We found (or tried to find) ways to see them as not that different from one another. Or at least not too different that we couldn't bridge those gaps.

I've always felt pride that my paternal grandparents crossed oceans to meet and fall in love in San Francisco decades ago. Ethel came over from Denmark through Ellis Island when she was a very small child, with her parents and older brother. Julius came as a merchant marine from a refugee camp outside Baghdad, although his family was from northwestern Iran. They shared Christian faith and a language in common (English) and started a beautiful family. If they were both alive today to see their grandchildren and great-grandchildren, they would beam with pride.

My mother's side has its own fascinating and intriguing history. My grandfather, Super Swede, through his father, carries a strong Scandinavian lineage. The paper family tree I have names them back for hundreds of years. (although it is only half of his DNA makeup) His mother's side is more complicated and still to be explored. My maternal grandmother, along her father's side has roots in America and pioneer life dating back to early colonial life. But her mother's, my great-grandmother Ruth, still holds quite a bit of mystery. (And a lot more Scandinavian bloodline than previously thought.) Both of my grandparents had their DNA results completed recently. My mom's results confirmed their combination of these results. They are 100% European with ancestry spanning Scandinavia to Eastern Europe.

A few evenings ago, my son Julius and I spit into little vials, to send our DNA to be decoded via the good folks at Ancestry. My prediction is that my results will show 75% European and 25% Middle Eastern based on what I know of my heritage. My son's results (his father was a donor from Central America) should have more illuminating effect. I'm excited to see deeper into our histories, as DNA testing allows.

I think more people should do it. No, I'm not working with Ancestry or anything, I just think it's particularly eye-opening, especially for people who believe in such thing as pure race, or pure culture. The DNA trail often challenges that. More times than not, it shows how small the world is, and how mixed people have been for eons. I think having this awareness can allow people to get along better across differences. This video is always a charming testament to the idea: that perhaps we are all cousins.

And if we are all really mixed and products of migration, displacement, and bondage, then maybe we could find a strong, shared foundation with which we envision a new humanity. One where we are all similar in our differences and mixed identities. One where we feel interconnected and interdependent. One where everyone we meet could be a distant relative. One where we all have stories and perspectives to share. One where we value others' stories and perspectives because they enrich our lives. One where we love deeply because of such intrinsic, shared human experience. One where our love and relationships are so unique because through all of the endless possibilities we found each other, here, now.

Almost forty years ago, Harvey Milk said,

Gay brothers and sisters, you must come out. Come out to your parents. I know that it is hard and will hurt them, but think about how they will hurt you in the voting booth! Come out to your relatives. Come out to your friends, if indeed they are your friends. Come out to your neighbors, to your fellow workers, to the people who work where you eat and shop. Come out only to the people you know, and who know you, not to anyone else. But once and for all, break down the myths. Destroy the lies and distortions. For your sake. For their sake.

I feel this way about my mixed race/mixed ethnicity folks. You know who you are. The ones who deny how complex your heritage may be, so you just claim one ethnicity, or one race. Do the deep work. Accept and acknowledge the many differences that make up You. These differences are not good or bad. They are essential. Without these differences, you would not exist. A child I know was parroting Donald Trump's anti-Mexican rhetoric last spring, and I had to cut him off with one direct question, "aren't you half-Mexican?" He turned red and got very quiet. The self-hate is growing strong with this one. And with so many others. When he should be feeling very proud for his Mexican heritage. (which has its own complicated DNA stories)

So, the lesson here, is to dig deep and own your lineage (with all its shameful and celebratory details). DNA testing opens doors for folks who do not have paper trails to follow. It allows us to see a bigger picture about our relationships in the world. It helps us understand ourselves and how we came to be. It has the power to create the shared cultural experience necessary, for us to embody a new way of being and thinking about one another, across difference.

I can't wait to see our results!

Pain in Public

Reading Ashley Smiley's story this morning on my Facebook news feed, I couldn't help but reflect on my own experiences. As a white, cis-gendered woman, I struggle with how to support Black folks in times like these. My presence, my body, often creates barriers through which meaningful dialogue isn't always possible. But I remain committed to this struggle, so here's one of my own stories to continue this important discussion and invite reflection and insight.

Last year, my friend Jessica, a Black woman from Oakland, became very upset at a conference of community members in W. Oakland organizing against gentrification. Former Oakland Mayor Jean Quan had the audacity to show up, even though predatory lending and foreclosure auctions flourished under her watch. The thing was, the conference was crowded. There was not room for everyone to join the morning session, but the waves parted for the Former Mayor to join the conversation, when they didn't for those like Jessica, who were struggling with displacement in that actual moment.

We stood outside while Jessica screamed at the world, people driving by, people walking by, anyone and anything that moved outside that conference. I checked myself that I wasn't going to be the one to try and silence her emotional display. It was real, it was deep, and as a friend, I needed to let her release a lot of what she was feeling.

As one after another, mostly Black women, tried to calm her down, I tried to reason with them that she needed to release. That we shouldn't calm her, that we shouldn't be scared of her emotions, that she needed support and understanding. The police had driven by several times after we were out there, and I knew them stopping would escalate the situation more than stop it. PTSD for folks who have dealt with police before, is a real thing. Do I let her scream and yell with the threat of them stopping? Do I try and silence the emotions that she can't contain any longer? What the hell do I do? How can I remain conscious of my privilege, my body, in this moment?

It was interesting to watch the faces of the men and women I engaged with, hearing a white woman say that we were going to stand back, listen, and let Jessica release because she had every right to be upset. They agreed on such a deep level, while at the same time were worried about how the perception of a 'crazy Black lady yelling and screaming outside the community center' might keep people from coming in; I imagine they may have also had to stifle their own intense emotions to avoid being labeled the 'angry Black person' at some point in their own lives. Some continued to try to get Jessica to be quiet, while others began to build bridges by listening to what she was saying and then seeking points of connection.

We were not kept from attending the other sessions. In fact, many of the people outside talking and listening to Jessica were encouraging her to get in and share her emotions and situation to the people in the space. This community found a way to allow for a public emotional outburst, that made everyone uncomfortable - even me, at times - and tried to turn it into something productive.

At lunch, we were eating with our children and friends. Again, the Mayor passes by, triggering Jessica. Jessica stood in the road (which was blocked off for the lunch festivities) unleashing a barrage of criticism at Quan for being at the conference when Quan wasn't willing to do the work to help keep Black people in Oakland when she had the POWER to do something...For Quan cheering on the encampment in downtown Oakland during the Occupy movement, then sending the police and the Department of Homeland Security to assault and evict us with tear gas.

After a few moments, the shocked bystanders and people sitting outside eating, were really listening to what Jessica was yelling and many of them found themselves agreeing. People began applauding and saying "yea!" after Jessica's points. Quan left the area. And Jessica received a round of applause for calling out the Former Mayor, for telling it from her heart, for speaking truth to power.

I took a risk, by trying to keep everyone from shutting down Jessica's outbursts that morning. It was awkward as heck, approaching the Black women who were coordinating the conference to engage them on how we could allow for my friend's emotions to be okay in that space. I learned a lot about my own privilege and was reminded how we toe the line of offense and disrespect so often. This experience reaffirmed my belief that compassionate communication and a commitment to mindful listening have power that is intimidating, awkward, and potentially, totally transformative.

That day could have definitely ended differently. It could have ended with my friend arrested, her child taken away, or even her being injured or killed. We have to be willing to listen and support without penalizing or criminalizing the very real emotional experiences of Black people in America. James Baldwin said, "to be a Negro in this country and to be relatively conscious is to be in a rage all the time." In most de-escalation training, the first steps are about being present as a listener. Holding back judgment, listening with eyes, ears, and hearts, and validating others' experiences are some good strategies.

Would love to hear others' strategies and stories of support. We MUST be present and supportive of one another, especially in times of crisis, in order to build this better way we so often talk about.

The Power of Shuffling Songs on Tough Mornings

There be no shelter here
The front line is everywhere
There be no shelter here
The front line is everywhere...

Zach De La Rocha screams these words to me as I drive across Las Vegas, the most artificial city in America, and my new home of 3 months. The music is up LOUD. I'm sitting in traffic near the Strip, and I imagine that the people in cars around me are probably pissed off that they have to sit next to my car. I'm hard of hearing and it was borderline too loud for me. Electric guitar and pounding drums fill the air. The bass line is catchy and my fingers play the steering wheel, and for the first time today, I feel strong.

Almost happy.

Almost.

As a white woman in America, I should be able to get in my car and go about my errands, without too many worries. I'm not worried about being pulled over. Being followed around the stores I frequent. Having the police called to supervise my purchases. It's relatively boring most days, being a white lady driving a hybrid.

But, as a white woman committed to anti-racist life in America, part of my duty in these times, is to bear witness. To not look away. To not detach from the reality facing my Black friends. To be present. To listen. To understand. This means, not turning off the computer because it's breaking my heart, yet again, today. To keep trying to talk to my white friends and family about this crisis and to remind them that while they criticize folks' protest styles, there are dead bodies in the street. Now is not the time to sit and figure out the PERFECT way for Black people in America to express their discomfort at the system of apartheid we force on them. Now is the time for good people to say, "Enough!"

The story of Terence Crutcher has hit especially close to home. He was leaving a Music Appreciation class at a local community college when his car broke down. Before I watched a video or looked at his picture... I knew Terence...without actually knowing Terence. After ten years of teaching Communication in SF Bay Area community colleges, Terence would have fit right into my classroom. Big, middle-aged Black man, out to get the letters that might prove something to someone. He would have blown people away during his speeches. It happened every time. When Osa got up and performed Pulp Fiction, I was worried Campus Safety would crash through the door to "protect" us from one of the best oral interpretations most of us had ever seen. The man had skills! When Michael did his Informative on Michael Jackson (cause most of these young kids didn't know enough about him when pressed), he had another student queue up the music, so he could throw open the classroom door to the first few beats of Billie Jean and moonwalk into the room to start his speech. His singular glove sparkling as he hit every signature Michael Jackson dance move for a class full of 18 and 19 year olds, holding their phones to record this man being so outlandish for them.

I smile when I think of the stereotypes broken and stomped on in my classroom each term. The ways people from total different walks of life, could get up and give a speech to one another, letting each other in to see a different way of thinking, of being, of existing in the world. It was a privilege to teach community college Communication Studies for the last decade.

But one of the reasons I left, was because I have a high level of empathy. I know... I don't talk about this a lot. As a highly empathic person, I often shield myself. And people think you're a little weird when you tell them you can feel pain that others are having, or anxiety, or stress... so you just don't bring it up at parties. But whatever. It's relevant to the post, because even though I have the white privilege to ignore or look away from the steady stream of public lynchings, my body won't allow me.

I remember being a teenager and seeing what happened to Rodney King. I grew up in a mostly white community and I didn't know a lot of Black people then. I didn't understand police brutality wasn't new. It was just caught on video tape and made public for the first time. It felt new, and viscerally, I couldn't watch it. It physically hurt.

I remember years later, hearing the story of Amadou Diallo, and realizing that this wasn't just an LAPD thing. 41 shots. Can you even imagine what that kind of assault feels like on the body? For standing on your porch? For reaching for your ID?

Oscar Grant, who was shot on the Fruitvale BART station platform on New Year's Eve. My students knew him. One was his cousin.

My awakening has been deep, on a visceral level. I may not be a Black person in America, but I can feel the anxiety and pain of our neighbors grieving right now for people they don't actually know, yet somehow could be anyone they do know. I don't believe in essentializing cultures but I do believe in DNA memory. Cultural groups, especially those who experience severe social trauma - genocide, enslavement, colonization - carry the pain AND the resilience of their ancestors for generations. It's something I think most white people recognize with Black folks. There's an unspoken solidarity between Black folks...that they know they are in this together.

It's been a LONG time since I changed my profile picture on Facebook to a Black rectangle. I did this to demonstrate my own solidarity with #blacklivesmatter and to recognize the ongoing grief and lack of justice in Black communities.

For these are my friends and former students and friends of former students being shot in the streets by those who we entrust to protect us. And today, the pain of losing Terence, feels like the pain of losing one of my favorite students. I am feeling pain and grief on an overwhelming level and this essay has been percolating in me since this morning. I am feeling anger at watching another Black body lay on the ground dying, ignored. I am feeling the anxiety from friends who aren't sure if they want to leave the house today.

The waves of pain and grief come and go, like tides these days. It's hard to cope most days and I'm over here trying to keep it together for my friends whose bodies are treated as "threat" and "suspect" daily...When a friend is so depressed they don't leave the house for a few days because Korryn Gaines' story was too close to their own worst nightmare. It hurts. I can't make it better. It's my pain too. It's our pain. And just as how you may have earlier questioned my ability to feel this...I'll throw that question right back to my white friends and family who believe I inundate their FB feeds with "depressing" stuff - How can you not feel this?? How can you check out?!

But just as our ancestors felt the pain of lives taken too soon and terror at what lay outside, they also felt the hope and strength of those who gave them life. They pushed forward to make progress for us today. With sheer determination and a strong amount of anger and resentment, folks continued this march toward liberation and integration. And so shall we.

It is a worthy fight. It is not an easy fight. But it is so worth it. I've seen what a group of diverse people can do when they have the tools and space to communicate and build new communities. We are on a righteous path.

And we will not let things continue to be 'business as usual.' We will disrupt and inconvenience the status quo until something changes. We will stand tall to death threats and we will honor our dead by fighting back, by resisting those who would continue to inflict terror (and those who ignore those who inflict terror) on people within their own communities.

As Assata said, and as my brothers and sisters in #BLM continue to echo:

It is our duty to fight for our freedom.
It is our duty to win.
We must love each other and support each other.
We have nothing to lose but our chains.

As I passed the Strip and headed toward the more residential part of Las Vegas where I live, my music shuffled to the next song.

I see them coming after my soul
Wanting to take control...
But I, I'm not afraid, no....

And it occurred to me, another confirmation that sometimes life does provide the necessary soundtrack for the day you might be having. I cruised along singing with Etana, tears streaming down my face, thinking, "fuck you, Betty. Fuck you."

Why I'm breaking up with Facebook

When I first signed on to the Facebook, it required an .edu email address. It was still a site for students, staff, and faculty of academic institutions, and a place to share resources, debate current topics, and manage a virtual soapbox/identity, connected to international networks. It was such a step up from Myspace for me. My circle of scholars, activists, and friends grew and we could share innovative classroom practices, performances, conferences, festivals, articles and essays. We could add a personal and social element to our public academic identities. I learned about the personal lives of people I engaged professionally and developed real-world friendships with people who I initially interacted with online.

Then FB became mainstream. Family, friends, and people from high school were requesting my friendship. It was awkward. Really awkward at first. I know a diverse array of people and I knew that adding this cousin or that aunt, this high school friend or that friend of a friend, meant that they would be joining or at least observing the conversations, and often politically radical or charged debates I have with colleagues.

I started sharing more personal and social information. Bringing people into my world a little more. Tried to find a balance with pedagogical, political, personal, and professional posts and shares. Tried to stomach seeing some of their posts and shares; knowing that mediated communication is so limited in nuance and that my criticisms would be taken as malicious, rather than constructive or invitational. Unfriended a few, and forced myself to keep others, to see into their worldview as much as I could. Accepted many former students and former classmates as friends, just to delete their friendships the next day. I knew that they would get my accept, cruise over to see my pics and posts, and then I could just disappear into the night. The requests only occasionally came back. Most just wanted to see into my world for a moment. And Facebook gave them the opportunity to do that.

Then the ads came. There were so many. And eventually they became omnipresent. Knowing what I had been searching on Google and Amazon, things I had already bought oftentimes, were continuing to be marketed to me. Sponsored posts came across my feed and I was offered the ability to promote my own pages, if I paid for it. It was often hard to tell the difference between ads and things my friends were sharing. And then the pages promoted AND telling me which of my friends liked them. Geesh.

A great platform and user-friendly interface made FB what it is. But the corporate consumption of our lives has grown insidiously...have you really noticed how much it has changed? Does it bug you that it knows what you do when you're not on the site? Does it bug you that FB makes a crap-ton of money selling your personal information?

My relationship with FB has become an emotionally abusive relationship.

FB tells me what I should like.
It decides who I get to see and how I get to see them.
It decides who I can be friends with, by denying people, especially trans folks and others who may use aliases, access to my friendship. (Kicked a good friend off this week per their name policy)
It sells my information and tastes to people I've never met and I am not allowed to say who gets my info, and who doesn't. I have to agree to go with whomever they want, or I can't be there.

It didn't used to be this way.

It used to be a very inviting space, full of real people and real shares. Now it's a big social experiment and I don't like feeling like a lab rat anymore.

I don't need a paternalistic website telling me who I can be friends with and who I can't; which of my friends can be here, and which can't.

I don't need my web searches and posts building a consumer identity that is sold to many bidders, while I don't earn a penny.

I've had enough. I'm stepping out in solidarity with those who FB denies access to.

I'll miss seeing and sharing. I'll miss liking and loving. I'll miss the ways each of you have challenged me and affirmed me. One typically stays in abusive relationships because there ARE good days. And often those can outweigh the bad. And they have for a long time. But this name policy thing hit a little too close to home, and it's just not ok. None of it.

Find me here http://cdubnews.blogspot.com/ or text/email me.

Creating and Maintaining Alliances in Social Justice Movements

I cannot afford to believe that freedom from intolerance is the right of only one particular group. And I cannot afford to choose between the fronts upon which I must battle these forces of discrimination, wherever they appear to destroy me. And when they appear to destroy me, it will not be long before they appear to destroy you. 

- Audre Lorde, There is no Hierarchy of Oppressions

So many thoughts pulsing through my brain this month. I've seen great moves forward in the journey for dignity and social justice. I've seen horrific moves backward. I'm observing my social network and each of their communities processing all of this on the web and I feel compelled to write this post to help channel our processing into a stronger meta-conversation - the bigger conversation above the smaller ones we are having. This is a moment, for social justice activists, when the individual trees being examined are less important than the forest in which we are walking.

On Friday, June 26, 2015, the US Supreme Court ruled 5-4 in Obergefell v. Hodges that Americans have the right to marry regardless of their gender identity or sexual orientation. Many viewed this as a victory for the LGBTQIA+ community. "Love has won!" Some are saying this is only a victory for Capitalism. Others viewed this as the first step on the slippery slope toward normalizing pedophilia and bestiality. And others have vowed the fight is not over.

In my opinion, this particular victory was not about gaining access to the institution of marriage, it was about changing public opinion on normalizing institutions and it was about the State not going the other way to codify discrimination (further) into law. Imagine how Pride weekend would have been if one of the assenting judges changed their mind and dissented? Sure, marriage is legal for all in 2/3 of our country, but States would have another precedent for limiting 14th Amendment rights. I'm super glad that was not the case. Additionally, because 2/3 of our states believe marriage to be between "two consenting adults - regardless of gender identity and sexual orientation," the GOP does not have the support to push for a constitutional amendment on traditional marriage. In fact, this for me is the greater victory: The number of people who 'came out' to their family members, the changing discourses over gender identity and sexual orientation, and the grass-roots, State-led movements that moved us forward dramatically over the last 10 years have been remarkably effective. We've initiated and are engaging topics that were horribly taboo for too long.

In many ways, the discourse on race is shifting in remarkable ways, as well. While the conversations are hardly civil, the conversations are happening at family/local, state, and national levels. Indeed the conversations about trans-identities, intersections of identity markers, and the quest for social justice have gained much momentum. People are beginning to understand the differences of sex, gender, and sexual orientation; how race is socially constructed; and the material effects of intersectionality are being explored. The 'elephant in the room' no longer sits in awkward silence. Instead, it is cowering while people stand around yelling at one another about it. But this is a good step toward achieving a more perfect union: Conflict (in addition to shared activities) is one of the strongest means to achieve intimacy in any relationship. If we understand how conflict resolution works and how we can engage in conflict productively, we can create stronger communities of support. Here's a simplified way to start. Our bonds can be strengthened as a result of this tension and conflict...of course, the same can be said for those who wish to preserve the status quo.

Those who want to preserve white supremacy, traditional gender roles, domination over nature, economic inequality, xenophobia, ableist spaces, and heteronormativity are also gaining support and momentum in these times. More Black churches are burning. Trans-undocumented persons are still suffering. Police are still killing more people in our country than foreign terrorists. Tenure and academic freedom are under attack. Women are still victims of gendered inequity. The Earth and its creatures are being destroyed. And there is a growing number of people in this country who are okay with these things or apathetic, at best. In fact, membership in some hate groups is growing. People are still committed to their "side" on these issues, many lacking empathy, compassion, or capacity for change.

For centuries we have been divided and conquered by wealthy persons who seek control over labor and resources. Separated by ability/disability, race, class, ethnicity, religion, sex, gender, etc., we were (are) often pitted against one another. What many outstanding social justice activists throughout the ages have been trying to do is to unite these disparate voices. "An Injury to One is an Injury to All." "Solidarity!" Because they knew (and we know today), that our ability to join voices in mutual effort is what allows us to find the power and strength to free ourselves from tyranny. The struggle is trying to get different groups of oppressed situations to see that (1) their struggles are interconnected and (2) that they are more similar than different. The struggle is to help people see that the "I will not cheer for your victory because I have not won yet" mentality is that of the colonizer, who depends on its subjects' competition to ensure division.

We do the work of our oppressor when we compete with oppression hierarchies. We should be able to say "Black Lives Matter" without being 'corrected' that "All Lives Matter" or that we are neglecting other lives mattering. We are affirming Black Life (something truly radical within white supremacy), not saying Black Lives matter more than other lives or that ONLY Black lives matter. It is a challenge to those who have dehumanized Black people to see Black people's humanity. It is also a challenge to those who proclaim that message, while neglecting the voices of disabled, trans, and queer Black Lives. We cannot fight against one another with "whose struggle is more important than other struggles?" But we can challenge one another to learn more and grow in our understanding of differences and inclusion.

We must connect our struggles with others' struggles, while remaining conscious that they are not the same, exact struggle. We must continue to explore how history and our retelling of it shapes our present. For those who do not speak about the importance of queer people of color and their historical and contemporary work on social justice, erase important nuances and identities that are crucial to our movements. We cannot neglect the ways in which our rhetoric and discourse might hurt our efforts. We must stay focused with our goals and values, but open to how we talk about and learn about issues of injustice. We cannot fall victim to straw man fallacies (like focusing on the Confederate Flag (or Battle Flag) while neglecting work to stop Black Lives and Institutions from being attacked). We cannot fall victim to the slippery slope fallacies that have us spending time and effort distinguishing consenting sex between adults to coercive sex with children and animals. We must be able to call them as they are, and encourage people to stay focused on our very real advocacy and issues. We must be able to challenge one another to greater levels of understanding how interconnected our struggles are, while at the same time, not challenge one another with 'who's struggle is worse/more important.' We are all subjugated in racist, sexist, ableist, etc. discourses and societies. We are subjugated differently, true, but we are all subjugated, nonetheless. We can find unity here, while at the same time learning to be conscious of difference and the material impacts of being perceived as different or 'deviant.'

Truth is, social justice activists need those we are "fighting" against - both our clear 'enemies' and our (supposed) allies. We need more people to join our efforts in movement for love, justice, and dignity for them to be sustained and for us to continue to make progress. We cannot coerce them into this stance either - that is the tool of the colonizer and oppressor. We cannot distance ourselves from them and think we can "beat them;" that "us vs. them" is an appropriate position. We can only dismantle white supremacy and racism WITH them. We can only make our society more open and accommodating WITH them. We can only fight for economic justice WITH them. For when we fight against them and create adversarial positions, we defeat ourselves. As I said earlier, the reason we are celebrating is not the Supreme Court's decision, per se, but that our alliance-building, grass-roots efforts are working. We are supporting one another in creating safe space for people to 'come out.' We are learning to listen and adjust our positions to create a new community that can accommodate difference. We are teaching our children to be open and many did not see the 'big deal' in this dramatic court decision. We are learning to love in very powerful ways. We are learning to have empathy and compassion for others. We are opening conversations that reveal dynamic approaches to global issues. We are finding unity through difference and it is powerful. It is cause for celebration and motivation to keep working.

The Privilege to Look Away

Terrorism of Black people in our community MUST stop!

For those who continue to just look away (because you can), know that these acts of violence (from vigilante and police terror to 'individual' psychotic episodes) inflict deep trauma to people who believe they can be killed just for the color of their skin. You might want to think that racism is a thing of the past here in America. You might actually believe that. You may not have friends who are people of color, you may not have to see their tears and listen to their fears...of going to a public pool, of driving a car around town, of shopping at a store, of playing in a park, of walking to the store, of being in their homes, of going to a church for bible study... but the terror is SO REAL. And it is so wrong that we would allow our community members to feel this way.

People look back at Nazi Germany and wonder how a whole population could just sit back and let the SS and Gestapo terrorize millions of people...it's called privilege. And those Germans who were not Jewish, Black, or homosexual, had the privilege to sit back and look the other way. Thankfully, many of them fought back in groups of underground resistance. But too many just acted like the eugenics-based ideas of the pure Aryan race were moral and just. They looked at their own neighbors and saw them as animals - dehumanized and disassociated with them, turned them in, believing they were doing the right thing, in preserving 'their' way of life.

How are we going to be different? Recognize the humanity of your neighbors - even if they are not like you. Empathize with their experiences. Look into your own histories. I know my Assyrian ancestors were killed (are still being killed today!) for being different. Massive genocide and so many around the world look(ed) the other way. My great-grandmother was killed and her son Julius was raised by his aunts. They had to walk from Urmia in northwest Iran to a refugee camp, Baqubah, near Baghdad in Iraq to flea the terror, before many of them came to the US seeking refuge. I am lucky to be alive today, because of their will to survive. It's not hard for me to relate to groups that are killed for merely being different. Find your empathy.

Then take a stand. Talk to people at work, at church, at the mall, wherever. Tell them this has to stop. Talk to your children about racism. Talk to them about how we don't have to feel guilty. Channel guilt into productive efforts toward social change. White guilt can be debilitating. It continues to force people to be defensive and distancing. It doesn't have to. It can be a source of great power and motivation for working towards change. With great power comes great responsibility, right? Take responsibility for your community. Then, walk the walk. Disassociate with those who believe this is ok because it doesn't affect them personally. Talk to your kids about their friends and their friends' parents. If your kid is associating with haters, don't forget that birds of a feather flock together, and you are raising a child that might believe it is okay to look the other way, and they will raise their kids the same. Every time people look away, those who perpetuate genocide believe they are right in their actions. They will continue to inflict terror.

Stop believing that victims of terror, for some reason, deserve that terror. They don't. None of us do. Create communities of support for difference. Speak out against this in your online communities. When people start spouting victim-blaming rhetoric - start checking those people by drawing attention back to perpetrator rhetoric. Instead of asking and agreeing that Black people must deserve this behavior, continue to question what is happening in white communities to allow for these perpetrators to go 'unnoticed' until they actually enact their hate. Refocus the discussion. Challenge people on a moral level to recognize and work toward a better world.

Or not. Keep looking away. Wallow in your indifference. Sit back and be happy - better them than you, right? Ignore the plight of others. But be warned, when people REALLY begin fighting back, you've chosen a side. You've chosen to side with those who perpetuate hate and terror with your inaction. To me, you are just as bad as a man who sits next to a minister in a Bible study, listening to people explore the Scripture, while contemplating and then actually murdering those around him. That is who you have chosen to 'build' a future community with, rather than those of us who are working toward a more just, accepting community.

The choice is yours. Really. It's your privilege to make this choice.

What a difference 6 years makes...

As you might have noticed, there was a bit of time between my last post and the one before that. Six years went by from when I last posted. As I looked through previous posts, I couldn't help but wonder how much has changed in our society.

I guess the simple answer is "not much." You might have noticed that the last post was a video of Birmingham police beating an unconscious man. Of course, you might even say the beating is justified, he had just led the police on a chase. But as you watch the man fly out the window of his rolling car, and see him land in the ditch, not moving...I hope you recognize that this man posed no immediate threat to officers who could easily have handcuffed him, then ascertained his medical emergency and called paramedics. That's not what happened, though. The officers ran down the ditch and began beating the man with their batons...even as he lay lifeless on the ground.

In later developments, the officers who were let go, were reinstated. (In fact here's one of them this year, demonstrating new body cameras!) In the excessive force trial, Anthony Warren (the unconscious man) and the city of Birmingham settled an excessive-force lawsuit for over $400,000. Of course, the majority of that money went to his legal team - Warren received $1000 and continues to serve his 20 year sentence for trying to run over an officer during the chase. I'm not trying to excuse the actions of Mr. Warren, who committed a crime and should have been arrested, I'm just not convinced that the actions of the police were warranted or professional. Still, one just completed his supervisor certificate, another has become a detective, and yet another (now a Sergeant) was active in a PoliceLivesMatter rally earlier this year. Whether their behavior was professional or not, they are still moving through the ranks in their respective careers.

Some folks don't realize that police brutality started with the slave patrols and evolved right into our current system. It is part of the fabric of law enforcement in America. The current #BlackLivesMatter movement isn't new...it's just better mobilized with the aid of social networks and smart phones/video.

Now people might want to believe that with dash and body cams, that there will be a significant change in how police operate when capturing black and brown people. But, I beg to differ. Rodney King's situation proved that to me. Even when there was evidence that the police had nothing to fear and were not under attack, juries still don't convict them. From the court decisions that have given police their power to justify almost all of their actions, to Implicit Bias in all of us, the status quo requires radical shifting to begin changing. Since I still do not see a sense of urgency in most communities - aside from my activist friends - I am not inclined to believe anything will change.

What I would like to see change is how our community looks at crime and social issues. Why do we continue to think that police officers are the ones to call in any crisis? They do not have the training to deal with many situations, but we send in folks with badges and guns to address them...then act surprised when things don't go well. In my opinion, we need community response teams that are not armed, to deal with many calls for help. In domestic violence disturbances, why are we not mandating that a counselor or therapist be included in the response? Why don't we have people trained in mediation and conflict resolution on the ground with officers? If the officers aren't going to be trained in appropriate ways to deal with the varied situations that they find, then we as a community have to do better in identifying personnel who can. We don't need hundreds or thousands of armed men and women responding to all of our conflicts. Why do we continue to buy this rhetoric? We need to address our systems of response, intervention, and punishment. Then, we need to take control over those WE have armed and entrusted to protect us, by establishing and enforcing clear roles and procedures.

While people think there are too many violent perpetrators in our community, the reality is that violent crime is at its lowest since the 60s and 70s. In fact, where we are seeing an increase is in police killing civilians. In 2013, the FBI reported that over 450 felony suspects were killed by police and that number isn't even accurate. The Bureau of Justice reports that less than half of law enforcement agencies are even reporting their numbers. So far in 2015, The Counted - a project of the Guardian - has reached 500 and the number is on track to be around 1000 this year. The Washington Post explains that you are 55 times more likely to be killed by a police officer than a terrorist. Yet, where is the public outcry? Where is the 'war on police terror?'

My friend said the other day, they are just going to keep killing. In fact, the number will increase because they see how easy it is to get away with it. They will get a paid vacation and be reinstated in most instances. And really, no one cares. No one pays attention. So, why won't it increase? Prosecutors need cops to testify for them...so it is truly tough to get one who goes after cops who kill. Marilyn Mosby, is one exception and look at what is happening in Baltimore. Not only are police pulling back, but crime is on the rise. Think how that will look on her reelection campaign... especially if she doesn't get convictions on the officers charged in the Freddy Gray homicide. Her career is on the line for attempting to get accountability with the Fraternal Order. The system permits this level of violence and nothing/no one is in a position to stop it.

So what will stop the terror? The people are the only ones who have the power. And by the looks of things, they don't care. Usually, I'm an optimist. But in this case, I'm a pessimist. I don't see many people (besides the usual suspects/activists already involved) doing anything about changing the system: addressing why people engage in criminal behavior and the roots of poverty, exploring how our criminal punishment system became big business, or demanding that all people in our community have constitutional rights that must be protected. I can blame much of that on the power of media to distract. But, I won't. That just forgives people for their lack of personal and civic responsibility. If people don't explore their own implicit biases, including why they might feel the need to call police in non-emergencies, and if people can't talk to one another in civil ways about these issues, then we have much bigger issues than a distracting media. We're living in a culture that exhibits sociopathic behaviors and it will continue to act violently until it finally self-destructs.

Thoughts on how we move to a Post-Racial America

So my head has been spinning on the topics of social constructivism, gender, race, and the importance of discourse the last few days.

On the issue of Rachel Dolezal, I am still unconvinced that transgender rhetoric works well when discussing this case. I am still curious about the complex role whiteness plays in creating gaps and erasing ethnic identities. Tonight, I am still teasing with the social construction of race and the permeable (or not) boundaries of racial performances. Indulge my thoughts for a few:

Some are saying that 'race does not exist, so why do we hold on to it so dearly?' I think those folks miss the point that race in this society was used to categorize people (who come/came from very different backgrounds) into groups that could be easily manipulated as a social hierarchy. The ideas of eugenics still run deep in our society. These groupings, especially for the one (Negroid, Black, African American, Colored, etc.) cast to the bottom, created shared identities. Shared, or cultural identities who have been dependent on one another for survival. These do exist and talk about doing away with 'race' gives people hesitation because none of us want to be erased.

So, taking Rachel out of the conversation for a moment... how do we get to a post-racial society? One that doesn't erase the cultural connections and shared histories that people have, that are very real. I know that many have been working on the advancement of "mixed-race" as a possible way to disrupt white privilege. Last night, while researching for an upcoming trip to South America, I noticed that 'mestizo' is the largest group of people in some of the countries. I also noticed that their demographic numbers don't total 100%...and really why do they need to? In looking at our own censuses, from 2000 and 2010 - both years that mixed-race was offered as an option, I am seeing the emergence of a strong mixed-race-identifying group. In fact, the number of people who marked it in 2010 (compared to 2000) was up 32%.

I wonder though, if keeping in the category of race still legitimizes something that is only relevant to those wishing to preserve the awful status quo. Perhaps, what we want to look at are cultural groups and ethnicities, not race? I know that my Assyrian heritage has informed much of my worldview but doesn't exist in the eyes of this State. It has effectively erased that part of my identity and made it difficult for Assyrians to know the size of our communities. Certainly demographics and representational politics are important. So, should it be tethered to one of five or six races? Rather, I'd like to see a census form that gives me the option of identifying culture and ethnicity in pluralistic ways. It would help answer 'where are our people from and what cultures might have influenced them?" more than check-the-race-box ever did. It would also show the actual diversity of this nation. A nation that truly embraces its immigrant, enslaved, refugee, native, and trafficked heritage...both the positive and the horrific.

People worry that when we all say we are mixed, that we erase the true diversity that exists. I'm like, let us document the diversity in real ways, cultural ways, linguistic ways, etc. Perhaps this is where we actually can move into a post-racial society? When we stop looking at race, and start looking at culture, something that actually informs worldview, language, values, beliefs, traditions, etc. Blackness isn't erased in this model. It should be respected as cultural heritage. Whiteness is complicated, perhaps problematized in this model, though. Some may still claim 'white' identity, even though they are really mixed: German, Swedish, French, etc. But with the emergence of a more clear and pluralist community, perhaps even they will be more accepting of our diversity and give in to the reality that there really aren't 'pure bloods' out here.

What I'm advocating for, is for the US to stop using the term 'race' completely in its 2020 census. Instead, I'd like a form that lists as many cultural/ethnic groups that fit and a space for entering your own. I'd like people to check as many as they wish, to reflect the real experience they live. Maybe then, we can step away from the erasure that race has done to groups of people, in a formal, national way.

Until 2020, I think all of us should begin to see ourselves as a nation of mixed folks. Mudbloods. Accept that most, if not all, of us have mixed ethnicities and cultures. And we should check racism every chance we have...especially in our own minds. Check yourself. Be honest about yourself and your conditioning in a severely racialized society. And work that shit out. Don't expect anyone to take care of you. Take care of yourself. Then look for ways you can work with others. (Don't assume you know how to fix them...be ready to listen.) Call out policies that hurt one group in our society at the benefit of others. Some think that a colorblind perspective is what will move us forward, but that only works if you live in a society where policies and laws are enforced and applied equally. Instead, see color in the form of cultural histories and experiences. Then, defend others, like you, who come from diverse backgrounds, who all deserve equal protection under the law. We may not look the same, but our families still fought for us to have the right to breathe today. Fight for others to have the same rights. Stand for people who are terrorized at our borders and in our communities. A little bit of empathy is all that is required to begin to make change.

Then, we could actually deal with issues of Economics and Poverty, so we can address the very real inequities (created and maintained by racial hierarchy over centuries) and violence that different groups of people deal with on the daily...and not be hijacked into a discourse that is so damaging to our communities (I know you've been reading comments and threads this week that have you losing your faith in our community's ability to have any real conversations about this). Maybe we'd be able to instead focus on the problems of redlining, gentrification, gerrymandering, xenophobia, corporate control over media and government, food deserts, poor education, police terror, etc. without having some poor white lady all upset that she's feeling targeted with all this 'race talk.' Maybe we could instead focus on the issue. Focus on solutions. Focus on equity.

Perhaps I'm being a bit idealistic here. I'm just tired of the discourses of hate...and I really don't know how to move beyond the rhetoric...besides taking away race's power as a key demographic category and destabilizing the perceived purity of whiteness.

In this framework, returning (briefly) to Rachel Dolezal. If her cultural heritage was directly informed by Black culture (as a wife, sister, and mother), then it would be less problematic for her to express her cultural hybrid self - it would be more authentic and less-blackface. I know my grandmother was an 'honorary Assyrian,' who received mad love from full-blooded Assyrian women, for her rice, dolmah, and faith. She may have been born in Denmark...but she was accepted into the cultural community when she married an Assyrian man, and raised mixed kids. She didn't have the same background and didn't speak the language, but there was more space for her to engage in cultural mixing.

Could we be open to accepting people who are different in our cultures, in ways that race could/can never allow? I'd love your thoughts and responses. I'm still teasing through these ideas and feel like there needs to be more spaces for productive processing on all this.

um... i don't even know what to say after this...

Birmingham police beating video

is it summer yet?!

It's this time of the year that brings out the best and worst of both students and teachers. I've noticed my classes thinning out as people do not complete the semester...for whatever reason...illness, family situations, economic necessity, laziness, etc. It's also the time when I see everyone stressed and giving all kinds of excuses for their inability to complete a project. "I wasn't able to work on my speech, I had to go to court;" "I've been overwhelmed by my Anatomy class and couldn't do my work for your class." But it's not always a bad time of the year.

A good case of senioritis can remind you of being younger and the anticipation of summer is a beautiful reminder of why we suffer year-round through the trials of education. It's also the time of year when I get to write letters of recommendation, nominate students for awards and scholarships, and I get to attend numerous ceremonies to cheer for them. It's a time of accomplishment and reflection. It feels like May and I like the way it feels.